Evolution of a Dream  

People ask me how I got involved in ENDespair.  Here's the story:

Misfortunes often occur in a series.  That's what happened to me more than once. I remember when a flood of water deluged the floor of my apartment.  Next, a pet became seriously ill and within three weeks, was gone.  Then, unexpectedly, my mother died. My family was too stunned to fully mourn our loss.  Soon after,  a dear friend succumbed to cancer.  

Things were on an even keel for several years until an accident turned everything upside down. The year and a half spent in physical therapy, medical massage, chiropractic care and counseling for post traumatic stress made working impossible.  My finances suffered. I emerged from the accident shaken and fragile. The world no longer seemed a safe place. My normal confidence in being able to take care of myself diminished. Next came the terminal illness of a beloved pet. Affected by my state of mind and coping difficulties, an intimate relationship gradually eroded.

It was difficult to maintain my normal positive outlook--or a sense of humor. Life seemed too much of a struggle. Periods of self-doubt and despair overwhelmed me. The only thing that made any sense was taking a break.  So I withdrew to look at my career up to that point, to rethink future directions. During that time, the idea for this project was birthed, as well as a stronger commitment that whatever I did would involve healing in some way.

Even when recovered, I remembered my sense of isolation and powerlessness after the accident. This experience had deeply changed me.  I became acutely sensitive to the undercurrent of despair in our society. A large part of our population was struggling--to find employment, to increase their job security, or to keep a business afloat.  In a culture based on the work ethic, being gainfully employed is one standard by which we measure ourselves. Working gives our lives order. Without its income and structure, we feel frightened, ashamed, confused, bored, anxious and very out of sync with the rest of the world. People not on a regular schedule experience enormous frustration and pain--but they can't always find others with whom to share these feelings. I knew what they were going through.

Addressing the Need for Support

To help them cope better, "What To Do When You're Without Work" © support groups were started.  The group provided a safe place in which to share feelings with others who would understand.   Here people could regain confidence, plan strategies for the future and find sufficient courage to handle whatever they planned on doing that week.  We discussed a variety of topics: staying motivated, managing time, feeling confident, releasing creative energy, the benefits of solitude, finding solace, and how to balance tasks, relationships and leisure activities.

My Respite Results in This Project

After several months of holding these groups, I felt drained.  A break became imperative. However, it didn't last long.   An idea for what became ENDespair just wouldn't let go.  I envisioned an enormous project--that eventually would involve many other people and organizations.  Friends said that I appeared to have a "calling."  In spite of my wishes to withdraw, this work pulled me in, compelling me to continue.

Early Activities

Non-profit status.  In the Spring of 1996, I spoke by telephone with the late Willis Harman, noted scholar, futurist, author, and President of the Institute of Noetic Sciences about my ideas.  Our conversation resulted in his suggesting that the Institute could be a conduit for funds.  In November, 1996, with approval from the Board of Directors, The Institute (which is a 501 C-3 non-profit organization), officially became fiscal sponsor of this project.

Support group launched. Our religious community, which surely acknowledges society's problems, is often the first to assist start-up projects that address them. That was true for ENDespair.  When no budget existed to rent space, the Fourth Universalist Society in New York City provided it, free of charge, for a weekly support-discussion group about work for people in crisis and transition.

Outreach. Highlights of other activities to communicate these issues:

   --Several members of the support group participate in an international Gaia Mind  global
       meditation on January 23, 1997.  Around the world, at the same exact time, people
       focus on the issues that were of primary concern.

   --Friends of the Institute of Noetic Sciences sponsor a workshop, "Healing Our Despair."

   --Charitable contributions came from individual donors.

   --The Westsider, a community newspaper, continues to give ENDespair free advertorials.

   --This Web site is created and updated.

   --I address the Business and Ethics class at Empire State College NYNEX  Corporate
       College, introducing this project, and a course to be offered the following semester.
       A discussion about work today was held during services at Congregation Tel Aviv
       and at the Fourth Universalist Society.

    --Likely foundations are researched and proposals submitted for grants.  Success!
       In May, 1997, The Lifebridge Foundation awards seed money for ENDespair.
       A second grant, of $10,000 this time, is received in May, 1998.

    --Presentation at a symposium for the NY chapter, Foundation of Ethics and Meaning,
      "Getting the Message Across," January 31, 1998.

    --Ongoing networking and outreach, to establish working relationships and links
       to other organizations.  Watch for updates.

Finding the Light

From the beginning, this project has been a lesson for me, requiring me to jump into uncharted territory, learn new skills, overcome my own insecurities and need for solitude.  It certainly hasn't been an easy or steady journey.  There have been many obstacles--dark periods where the light at the end of the tunnel seemed unreachable.  Financial hurdles, my own doubts, periods of stagnation, others' resistance, lack of understanding of the need and negative energy presented constant challenges.  A negative voice inside me clamors for attention.  It asks, "This project calls for leadership.  How can you possibly lead others when you're feeling so shaky--psychically, emotionally and financially? Your vision includes building a coalition, a 'congregation' of people. Where and how will you find them?"   I try to remain positive regardless of the final and hardest question,  "This work is too hard--so why do you persist in doing it?"   

Sometimes I'd much prefer to step back and quietly sit under a tree, reading!  Nevertheless, giving up was never really an option. Somehow, in spite of myself, I managed to keep going. 

Today the ENDespair Project and this Web site are evolving.  Things keep happening. People call. Visitors to the site send messages.  Every day brings a new opportunity. I'm in motion, open, excited, listening, connecting, planning, doing, being.  Though additional grants and contributions are needed, I trust that they will  come soon.

You're Part of This Project

Thank you for stopping by--you are a vital part of this campaign to end despair about work.  Please be sure to make your voice count by signing the guest book (sign the guestbook link on the site map below), and by your pledge to continue this dialogue. (pledge support through action link on the site map below).

We travel through despair to gather hope for a better tomorrow.  I encourage you to hold onto your dreams, to find the courage to follow them. Take the time to clarify your passions. What would you really want to do? Try not to let practicality or others' cautions be a deterrent.  Fear need not stop you.  Remember that we all feel unsure. Knowing your strengths and where you need help makes everything easier.

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